Thursday, March 22, 2012

Haile

Let’s back up…now that we have had a second visit with Hambisa, I feel better able to share my first visit with Hambisa. As a mother, that first one was a tough one. My emotions were running strained as we hadn’t yet been to any African orphanages to know what to expect, we don’t
speak the same language, and my son was going to be there…in the flesh. We had the other American family with us to visit and take charge of our camera for photos and video opportunities. I loved that and I hated that. They allowed us to tend to the job we wanted
without having to worry about documenting it ourselves. Yet, it’s a little strange to be watched
having this moment.

It was 1pm here, prime naptime in the US and Ethiopia. Score
1 for something the same. We speak English, not Amharic. Score 1 for something
different. We are giants, about a foot taller than any of the other caregivers.
Difference: 2. Our skin is white, our touch unfamiliar. Differences: 3
& 4. Now, these differences are part of what Kurt and I know, love, and cherish. Now put yourself in the “shoes” (socks) of little Hambisa, awakened from a nap to meet these crazy, emotional creatures. He is 10 months old. He is fed. He is healthy. He is moving. He
is beautiful. I am crying…And he is not very happy to see us.

I was hoping he would warm up, but it was quite the opposite. He sat for a few minutes on
our laps with little to no response, then he wanted nothing to do with us. He cried and squirmed. Who is supposed to console him? His caretakers (my angels) have familiarity
and relationship for him. I want to be the one to help him, but I am not. I
know it is best for him to be consoled by the nannies, because I have to leave
again. I have to return home without him one more time. What good can I do by
connecting with him and returning to the US? I hand him back to be consoled, even though I am his mother. The time will come, right? It is just not now.

The rest of our stay at the orphanage was spent with other children who had awaken from their naps. There is another baby girl at the same orphanage who will be Hambisa’s
(second) cousin. She too is a beauty. We had fun playing with her, holding her close, letting her know what a special Mama she had coming to get her asap. It is so good to know that
with all the unfamiliar that will be in the US with their new families, they will have each other to grow with. It comforts me.

And that is it for day one with Hambisa. Hour one. Not so glamorous. I sobbed the
rest of the way back to the hotel with that ‘after adrenaline’ let down. I love you little
man. I am choosing to be grateful for caretakers so special to you that you, too, have learned to love.

Day Two with Hambisa:
Back to the orphanage we trod, following court where it has become official. We are a family of
five! Now, it seems as though an Ethiopian judge signing our paperwork was all we needed to turn the corner. OR maybe it was just that we decided to wait until after the naptime today before we returned. :)

Today our words are still different. Our skin, our touch and our size are still different. But today, he is rested and less scared. Sleep, my friends. Never underestimate the beauty of sweet
sleep. Today he could see that we smile the same and like to make each other laugh, that we actually have more similarities than differences. My little Hambisa plays with others, likes to be near the action (which is good cuz with three boys, there’s gonna be a lot of action), crawls on the floor, pulls himself to standing, and as we know from Day 1, attaches appropriately to his
caregivers. Let us not forget…he is also a stud in my sunglasses! I am thankful
for Day 2…a happy reunion.

1 comment:

Lynae S said...

Love the pictures that you have shared. I cried as I read this post. What an amazing and emotional journey! He sure is a little cutie!